This Salon article on the Twilight phenomenon is a perfect example of why I decided not to go into academia. There are some good points here, to be sure (Clee and I have long regreted that reading Twilight turns us into petulent teenage girls), but I seriously wish that this woman would lighten up.
The fact that she's so dismissive of these books really pisses me off. Just because they're popular doesn't mean they're bad. Have we learned nothing from Harry Potter? Plus, the fact that teenage girls and their Moms agree on anything is completely fantastic, let alone that these books are getting people to read at all. And say what you want about Bella, but I think it's pretty great that the female lead of the series - a smart, shy, physically awkward girl who is capable of speaking her mind - gets to be the love interest of not one but 2 heroes.
I've read plenty of the crap that Harold Bloom was always on about, and sure, lots of it is really great. But it's also usually dense, and pretentious and totally overwrought.
I'm anxiously awaiting the delivery of Breaking Dawn on the day it comes out, and I'll probably go to the release party at Book People, too. And I'll stand there with all of the other fangirls of all ages, and shriek and sigh and moon, and embrace the beautifully absurd romance of these fantastic books. And if I come home expecting a little more from my own knight in shining armor, so be it.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Negative Effects of Suicide (aka Bad Ripples)
My Dad committed suicide a little over 3 years ago now, and I often wonder what would have happened if he had come to me before hand, if he had given me a chance to try to talk to him out of it. He died because he was very depressed, and feeling hopeless, and thought he was doing me and my Mom a favor.
Because the universe works in mysterious ways, I recently had the chance to have this conversation with someone dear to me. Only time will tell if I had any effect, but it occured to me that maybe there are other people out there who are considering taking their own lives because they believe the same lie that he believed - that the world, my world, was better without him in it. Trouble is, NOW, I know what I would have said, but I wouldn't have had any idea back then, I probably would have just said the same old crap that people say in Hallmark movies, or when adversting about medication for troubled teens. So, here's what I would tell him now, with the benefit of hindsight.
But, first, a disclaimer or 2. I'm just a woman who lost her Dad and in no way capable of giving actual advice. If you're thinking about it, please talk to someone in your own life who you trust, or even someone that you don't (they may surprise you). My Dad did not have a serious life threatening illness, nor was he ever a threat to others - these possibilities and many others would likely change my answers. I can only speak to what happened to me, and how I feel about it now. It feels strange to be putting this "out there" at all, but I am still strangely compelled to do so. Here goes:
1. I'm not going to "get over it." Loved ones aren't just sad for a while and then move on. My mom still cries every day, 3 years and 1 month later. I'm the stoic one, but I still cry plenty. There are moments - quite often - when the loss hits me like a ton of bricks, and it feels like I'm just getting that phone call on the day he died. A woman in a support group I went to lost her father over 30 years ago and she still obviously misses the hell out of him.
2. My life is worse - aside from the grief - for several practical reasons. Mom's life is way harder now and I'm the one who has to constantly pick up the pieces. Every day, I spend time and mental energy that at this stage of my life would typically be going to something else, like starting a family of my own. I may not ever have kids now and I know that this, too, is grief that I will have to work through at some point.
3. Things that were fun now make me vomit - like the game Hangman, for example, or that ridiculous movie The Happening that I'll never get to see because people kill themselves in it. For the first year after it happened, every time I heard the word rope, or saw a picture of one, or God forbid saw someone hanging, I literally threw up. EVERY TIME. I'd estimate about 50 times in the first year. Now I just feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I'd imagine the same applies for other methods, but guns, cars and pills are way more prevalent than ropes, so multiply my issue by a nice round number.
4. Mom and I are more at risk of committing suicide ourselves. The numbers vary, but I've read that I'm as much as 40% more likely now that a person close to me as done it. Those aren't very good odds - how often would you make a choice where you knew someone you loved had a 40% chance of dying? Or even a 10% chance?
5. Mom will always blame herself. The fact that she is now doomed to that hardly seems like something he would have wanted for her, and it certainly didn't make her life easier.
6. Other general "bad ripples" - I don't know and may never know all of the other things that changed with his death. Maybe things would have gotten better for him, maybe not, but this not knowing is I think the hardest thing for me. He met a violent end - physically and emotionally. How could that not have unknown consequences in this vast universe?
So I think that about covers it. I really do understand and of course I forgave him immediately. Everyone has to make their own choices in this world, and who am I to say that this isn't the right choice for some people? Maybe it even was right for him, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I just thought you should know.
Because the universe works in mysterious ways, I recently had the chance to have this conversation with someone dear to me. Only time will tell if I had any effect, but it occured to me that maybe there are other people out there who are considering taking their own lives because they believe the same lie that he believed - that the world, my world, was better without him in it. Trouble is, NOW, I know what I would have said, but I wouldn't have had any idea back then, I probably would have just said the same old crap that people say in Hallmark movies, or when adversting about medication for troubled teens. So, here's what I would tell him now, with the benefit of hindsight.
But, first, a disclaimer or 2. I'm just a woman who lost her Dad and in no way capable of giving actual advice. If you're thinking about it, please talk to someone in your own life who you trust, or even someone that you don't (they may surprise you). My Dad did not have a serious life threatening illness, nor was he ever a threat to others - these possibilities and many others would likely change my answers. I can only speak to what happened to me, and how I feel about it now. It feels strange to be putting this "out there" at all, but I am still strangely compelled to do so. Here goes:
1. I'm not going to "get over it." Loved ones aren't just sad for a while and then move on. My mom still cries every day, 3 years and 1 month later. I'm the stoic one, but I still cry plenty. There are moments - quite often - when the loss hits me like a ton of bricks, and it feels like I'm just getting that phone call on the day he died. A woman in a support group I went to lost her father over 30 years ago and she still obviously misses the hell out of him.
2. My life is worse - aside from the grief - for several practical reasons. Mom's life is way harder now and I'm the one who has to constantly pick up the pieces. Every day, I spend time and mental energy that at this stage of my life would typically be going to something else, like starting a family of my own. I may not ever have kids now and I know that this, too, is grief that I will have to work through at some point.
3. Things that were fun now make me vomit - like the game Hangman, for example, or that ridiculous movie The Happening that I'll never get to see because people kill themselves in it. For the first year after it happened, every time I heard the word rope, or saw a picture of one, or God forbid saw someone hanging, I literally threw up. EVERY TIME. I'd estimate about 50 times in the first year. Now I just feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I'd imagine the same applies for other methods, but guns, cars and pills are way more prevalent than ropes, so multiply my issue by a nice round number.
4. Mom and I are more at risk of committing suicide ourselves. The numbers vary, but I've read that I'm as much as 40% more likely now that a person close to me as done it. Those aren't very good odds - how often would you make a choice where you knew someone you loved had a 40% chance of dying? Or even a 10% chance?
5. Mom will always blame herself. The fact that she is now doomed to that hardly seems like something he would have wanted for her, and it certainly didn't make her life easier.
6. Other general "bad ripples" - I don't know and may never know all of the other things that changed with his death. Maybe things would have gotten better for him, maybe not, but this not knowing is I think the hardest thing for me. He met a violent end - physically and emotionally. How could that not have unknown consequences in this vast universe?
So I think that about covers it. I really do understand and of course I forgave him immediately. Everyone has to make their own choices in this world, and who am I to say that this isn't the right choice for some people? Maybe it even was right for him, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I just thought you should know.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Swimming and other summer obsessions
It occurs to me that I've gone quite a long time without a post and apparently this has made at least one of my readers nervous. Yes, Christina, I am alive and well, thanks for asking!
Nothing much exciting has been happening (other than a trip to Pennsylvania to visit my Mom - numerous posts about our trip can be found here), I've just been taking it a bit easy.
In no particular order, here's what I've been doing with my free time:
1. Swimming! We're at Bartholomew or Mueller pool 3 or 4 days a week, mostly just chatting and bobbing around. I have a tan, working on my Freestyle, and plan on re-learning to dive later this summer.
2. Reading! Finishing books at a mad pace, mostly to distract myself from the insane level of anticipation about Breaking Dawn. You can check out everything I've read and what I thought about it on my Facebook profile. As promised, I'm reading some grown up books these days, but still with a fair amount of YA mixed in.
3. Watching Le Tour! Yes, there continue to be some serious doping issues with the race, but it's still awesome for several reasons. The Garmin-Chipotle and Columbia teams are keeping it clean and doing amazingly well - go U.S.A.! Several of my favorites are alumni of Lance's teams, and it's really great to watch them doing so well for themselves, after spending so many years supporting him.
4. Running! I'm back to consistent 4-6 mile runs in preparation for Disney World in January and I'm really loving it so far. Mostly running on the treadmill at the gym, but the new trail at Mueller is quite a nice run as well if I can get out before it gets too hot.
Nothing much exciting has been happening (other than a trip to Pennsylvania to visit my Mom - numerous posts about our trip can be found here), I've just been taking it a bit easy.
In no particular order, here's what I've been doing with my free time:
1. Swimming! We're at Bartholomew or Mueller pool 3 or 4 days a week, mostly just chatting and bobbing around. I have a tan, working on my Freestyle, and plan on re-learning to dive later this summer.
2. Reading! Finishing books at a mad pace, mostly to distract myself from the insane level of anticipation about Breaking Dawn. You can check out everything I've read and what I thought about it on my Facebook profile. As promised, I'm reading some grown up books these days, but still with a fair amount of YA mixed in.
3. Watching Le Tour! Yes, there continue to be some serious doping issues with the race, but it's still awesome for several reasons. The Garmin-Chipotle and Columbia teams are keeping it clean and doing amazingly well - go U.S.A.! Several of my favorites are alumni of Lance's teams, and it's really great to watch them doing so well for themselves, after spending so many years supporting him.
4. Running! I'm back to consistent 4-6 mile runs in preparation for Disney World in January and I'm really loving it so far. Mostly running on the treadmill at the gym, but the new trail at Mueller is quite a nice run as well if I can get out before it gets too hot.
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