An Abundance of Katherines

I read John Green's blog and find him charming and funny in that dorky way I admire oh so much, so when I found "An Abundance of Katherines" at Bookpeople for just $3.99 I snatched it right up. So glad I did.

At first the narrator (an 18 yr old child prodigy) really bugged me but he quickly grew on me and then I couldn't put the book down. This is a sweet, satisfying story that I think quite accurately captures the awkwardness and uncertainty of too smart for their own good kids trying to figure out what happens next. Since the narrator's a know it all, it also has lots of fun little tidbits of "huh" including a couple revelations about John's favorite inventor, Philo T. Farnsworth. Definitely worth a read.

Also, this video of John Green sortof conquering his fear of heights is friggin adorable.

Winter Reading

I've been making a point of going to bed a bit earlier to get in some more reading time and have been really pleased with my recent choices -

Ian Bank's The Crow Road - my most recent Indiespensable delivery turned out to be this amazing book by a very highly acclaimed British author that I'm embarassed to say I'd never heard of. Really intriguing and engaging story with one of the best opening lines in the history of literature ("It was the day my grandmother exploded"). Part coming of age story and part murder mystery, it left me wanting more of all of the main characters. I'm already planning to read it again to catch all of the clues and intricacies I missed the first time.

And on completely the other side of the coming of age spectrum, Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty. A fun and easy read chock-full of strong female characters. Setting the book in 19th century England boarding school offered some interesting perspectives about what it meant to be a girl/woman at the turn of the century. There's certainly some cheesiness and the plot's pretty convaluted at times, but the author really captures the unique struggles of female friendships. I randomly picked this one up off of the shelf at Bookpeople cause it was a staff pick and only found out AFTER reading that it's a trilogy. I'm curious enough to at least give the next one a try and I think this could be a nice counter balance to the pining of the Twilight series.

Finally, for something completely different - Freakonomics. This one was John's suggestion and I must say I was pleasantly surprised. Economics (math) isn't really my thing, but the use of engaging examples to answer life's random questions really drew me in. I can't really speak to the accuracy of any of the arguments (I think there's been some debunking, and several of the concepts are pretty radical), but I do find myself considering the "why's" of things a bit differently, which I think is a good thing.

Quick Update

I keep reading that personal blogging is dead. Given that it's been more than a month since I posted, maybe so...

It's not that things aren't happening, cause they are. There was meeting the Governor and getting to start at the very front at the Race for the Cure, and lots and lots of other running, and I started going to church, and I hated and then kindof liked the Twilight movie. And I'm feeling really good and comfortable in my own skin, for the first time in a long time or maybe ever. And I think I'm in the midst of a major shift in the way I see myself and my role in the world. Funny thing about major philosophical/spiritual/metaphysical shifts is that it's a bit tough to get thoughts around them while ongoing. So maybe all of these things are topics for another day, and I suppose a reason that you and I both should keep coming back here.

I'm also much more into Twitter these days, so you can also follow me there if you find yourself thinking, "Man, I wish I knew more about what Becky's up to..."

Girl Books vs. Boy Books

I just finished Christopher Paolini's Brisinger, the 3rd book in (now he tells me!) a 4 book series. I liked it in general - the world he's crafted is beautifully elaborate and the characters are all pretty intriguing. BUT, man do the fight scenes drag on in this book - even more than Tolkien. There's a 10 page scene about forging a new sword, more decapitations than I can count and at least a dozen battles.

While I was dredging through what felt like the millionth battle, I was reminded of Brian's assessment of Stephenie Meyer's The Host. Basically he liked the story (one of the aliens who has taken over the planet falls in with a band of human resistance - drama ensues) but thought there were way too many descriptions of girly feelings. I LOVE the way that Meyer's handles girly angst, which is probably also why I'm such a big Twilight fan, and I think Brian would be super into Paolini's Inheritance Cycle cause the fighting scenes are beautifully crafted.

To think that our preferences are because I'm a girl and he's a boy is certainly an oversimplification, but it still has me wondering. Am I hard wired in some way towards the girliness?

Book Review: The Flying Troutmans

My 2nd Powell's Books Indiespensable book - I quite liked it.

Lowered expectations

I do the New York Times crossword puzzle whenever I can get my hands on a copy. For those of you who don't know, it gets increasingly harder as the week goes on - I can generally finish through Tuesday, by Saturday I'm totally screwed.

So, I was thrilled when I finished today's puzzle (a Thursday!) in all of about 15 minutes. Then I read the small print next to the puzzle - "all the daily puzzles this week have been contributed by puzzlemakers under the age of 20. Today's crossword is by Lucas Gaviotis Whitestone, 18 of New York City. He is a first year student at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. This is his first puzzle for The Times."

Doh.

Guess I'll stop disparaging Ryan Reynolds

Cause this is pretty cool.

Today, Today, Today

In my new capacity as a Komen Austin Affiliate board member I had the opportunity today to have lunch with an amazing young woman who has been diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 24. She has an incredible story and a willingness to share that I'm in awe of. Her story isn't mine to tell, but I was at lunch to talk about options for how she can work with Komen to get her message out, so keep an eye on the Komen Austin Blog and our Facebook Group as hopefully that's to come.

My personal take away from lunch is that it's really important for me to own my health and I'm sure I'll now be much more insistent in general with doctors when I think something is wrong. I think there's a tendency even at my age to think that breast cancer isn't something to worry about yet. Even though I don't know my medical history my GP and gynecologist have both said that 35 is the absolute earliest I should get a mammogram and really that 40 is "probably fine." Of course, I want to think that I'm healthy so it's easy to go along with it.

Every day I'm more committed to the cause of finding a cure for this wretched disease. As George says, we need a cure "today, today, today." You can join the fight by racing with me on November 2nd or visiting the Komen site to learn more.

Disclaimer - The postings on this site are my own and don’t represent Komen Austin positions, strategies or opinions.

Book Review: House Lights

I stumbled upon Lean Hager Cohen's House Lights at a recent time killing trip to a chain bookstore - I picked it up because it's won a ton of awards (including being a New York Times Book Review Notable Book for 2007) and I liked the cover image.

It's certainly one of the best things I've read so far this year and was a very pleasant switch from all of my YA fare of late. The story follows Beatrice, a girl on the verge of 21 who after a strange insulated childhood is finally finding out that things with her family are not what they always seemed. It's a delicate and beautifully written coming of age story - unique in both the depth of the characters but also in its tone. Hager Cohen's attention to detail is spot on and the way she weaves descriptions into the story made everything seem hearbreakingly poignant. Fantastic female characters from 3 generations (Beatrice, her mother and her grandmother) are also a big plus.

Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let’s help pass H.R. 5979.

Action Steps:

Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.

GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.

GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: “Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act.”

GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

As a personal note, if you need convincing on the devastation this can bring to a couple (and their families, and the people who love them) here's some related reading.

Habits

I have really gotten out of the habit of blogging, haven't I? I was all into Twitter for a while (and still love it), but I even got out of that habit during Fantastic Fest. I often think about things I'd like to say here, but the thought of logging in and typing them seems like such a drag. My yoga and tai chi teachers are always on about how many times you have to do something until it becomes a habit (3 times a week comes to mind - I obviously blow them off during these comments now that I think about it), so perhaps I'll make that committment to NCTM for a bit and see how it goes.

The Cure Happens Today

I've been volunteering with the Austin Affiliate of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure for almost exactly a year - first as a member now co-chair of the Technology Committee, also helping with a special project for the Annual Race for the Cure, and I've applied to be on the board (keep your fingers crossed for the big vote on the 18th).

Before I had the chance to work with this group, I might not have listed finding a cure for breast cancer in my top 5 causes, but I've had such a positive experience working with all of the women and men who are so passionate about the goal of finding a cure that I am now equally as committed. Several things happened really; I'm now coming in direct contact with the people who are affected by this terrible disease; I haven't met a single volunteer who hasn't impressed the hell out of me; AND (last but not least) I finally took a moment to think about my relationship with my own body, and what it would mean to have my own breasts (certainly a part of my femininity, despite my conflicted relationship with them) under attack.

All of this to say, I'm on a Race for the Cure team and if you feel like supporting me or this fantastic cause you can run with us or make a donation here. There's also a Facebook group if you want to learn more about other events, volunteering opportunities, etc.

And now that I'm thinking about it, here are the other causes I'm doing my best to support as well: helping children grow into happy, successful adults (I'm a mentor with BBBS, certainly another life changing experience); supporting reproductive rights for all women regardless of class or race; ending violence against women; suicide prevention. The list goes on and on now that I've started...

Feeling the need to stand on a soap box for a minute. Pick a cause (or 10) and REALLY support it. Writing a big check is great, but every single group needs committed volunteers, too. You can decide how much of a time committment you're willing to make and I promise you'll get at least as much out of it as you've put in.

Book Review: Clown Girl

I am not remotely like any of the characters in Monica Drake's Clown Girl and nothing about their lives is remotely familiar to me. And yet, I loved the lead character Nita (aka Clown Girl) and the assorted hoodlums and heroes in this strange story. Drake clearly has a talent with misfit characters and I ended up being really drawn into the frantic world she creates. It took me a while to get into it, but I stayed up late to finish - something that I haven't done with a non-YA book in quite a while.

IndieSpensable Volume IV: Clown Girl

A while back, I decided to spring for an IndieSpensable subscription from one of my super favorite bookstores, Powell's Books. According to the site, IndieSpensable is a subscription that "delivers the best new books, with special attention to leading independent publishers. Signed first editions. Inventive, original sets. Exclusive printings.... Every six weeks, another installment to read and admire." What better thing for a girl who loves books, supporting local bookstores, AND getting fantastic fun things in the mail?



My first installment arrived today and I'm not dissapointed. Here's what's inside:

• The Super Crazy Cat Dance - a "super-fun crazy comic for kids and grownups alike" by Aron Nels Steinke
• Clown Girl by Monica Drake - one of a special limited edition of 750, and the novel's only hardcover printing
• A rubber chicken key chain
• A collection of extra large postcards featuring stuff abou the authors, Portland (Powell's Books hometown), and the series

Missing the boat on Twilight

This Salon article on the Twilight phenomenon is a perfect example of why I decided not to go into academia. There are some good points here, to be sure (Clee and I have long regreted that reading Twilight turns us into petulent teenage girls), but I seriously wish that this woman would lighten up.

The fact that she's so dismissive of these books really pisses me off. Just because they're popular doesn't mean they're bad. Have we learned nothing from Harry Potter? Plus, the fact that teenage girls and their Moms agree on anything is completely fantastic, let alone that these books are getting people to read at all. And say what you want about Bella, but I think it's pretty great that the female lead of the series - a smart, shy, physically awkward girl who is capable of speaking her mind - gets to be the love interest of not one but 2 heroes.

I've read plenty of the crap that Harold Bloom was always on about, and sure, lots of it is really great. But it's also usually dense, and pretentious and totally overwrought.

I'm anxiously awaiting the delivery of Breaking Dawn on the day it comes out, and I'll probably go to the release party at Book People, too. And I'll stand there with all of the other fangirls of all ages, and shriek and sigh and moon, and embrace the beautifully absurd romance of these fantastic books. And if I come home expecting a little more from my own knight in shining armor, so be it.

The Negative Effects of Suicide (aka Bad Ripples)

My Dad committed suicide a little over 3 years ago now, and I often wonder what would have happened if he had come to me before hand, if he had given me a chance to try to talk to him out of it. He died because he was very depressed, and feeling hopeless, and thought he was doing me and my Mom a favor.

Because the universe works in mysterious ways, I recently had the chance to have this conversation with someone dear to me. Only time will tell if I had any effect, but it occured to me that maybe there are other people out there who are considering taking their own lives because they believe the same lie that he believed - that the world, my world, was better without him in it. Trouble is, NOW, I know what I would have said, but I wouldn't have had any idea back then, I probably would have just said the same old crap that people say in Hallmark movies, or when adversting about medication for troubled teens. So, here's what I would tell him now, with the benefit of hindsight.

But, first, a disclaimer or 2. I'm just a woman who lost her Dad and in no way capable of giving actual advice. If you're thinking about it, please talk to someone in your own life who you trust, or even someone that you don't (they may surprise you). My Dad did not have a serious life threatening illness, nor was he ever a threat to others - these possibilities and many others would likely change my answers. I can only speak to what happened to me, and how I feel about it now. It feels strange to be putting this "out there" at all, but I am still strangely compelled to do so. Here goes:

1. I'm not going to "get over it." Loved ones aren't just sad for a while and then move on. My mom still cries every day, 3 years and 1 month later. I'm the stoic one, but I still cry plenty. There are moments - quite often - when the loss hits me like a ton of bricks, and it feels like I'm just getting that phone call on the day he died. A woman in a support group I went to lost her father over 30 years ago and she still obviously misses the hell out of him.
2. My life is worse - aside from the grief - for several practical reasons. Mom's life is way harder now and I'm the one who has to constantly pick up the pieces. Every day, I spend time and mental energy that at this stage of my life would typically be going to something else, like starting a family of my own. I may not ever have kids now and I know that this, too, is grief that I will have to work through at some point.
3. Things that were fun now make me vomit - like the game Hangman, for example, or that ridiculous movie The Happening that I'll never get to see because people kill themselves in it. For the first year after it happened, every time I heard the word rope, or saw a picture of one, or God forbid saw someone hanging, I literally threw up. EVERY TIME. I'd estimate about 50 times in the first year. Now I just feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I'd imagine the same applies for other methods, but guns, cars and pills are way more prevalent than ropes, so multiply my issue by a nice round number.
4. Mom and I are more at risk of committing suicide ourselves. The numbers vary, but I've read that I'm as much as 40% more likely now that a person close to me as done it. Those aren't very good odds - how often would you make a choice where you knew someone you loved had a 40% chance of dying? Or even a 10% chance?
5. Mom will always blame herself. The fact that she is now doomed to that hardly seems like something he would have wanted for her, and it certainly didn't make her life easier.
6. Other general "bad ripples" - I don't know and may never know all of the other things that changed with his death. Maybe things would have gotten better for him, maybe not, but this not knowing is I think the hardest thing for me. He met a violent end - physically and emotionally. How could that not have unknown consequences in this vast universe?

So I think that about covers it. I really do understand and of course I forgave him immediately. Everyone has to make their own choices in this world, and who am I to say that this isn't the right choice for some people? Maybe it even was right for him, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I just thought you should know.

OMG I am so hot for this guy

I know I am late to the internet party, again, but wow do I have a new crush.

Swimming and other summer obsessions

It occurs to me that I've gone quite a long time without a post and apparently this has made at least one of my readers nervous. Yes, Christina, I am alive and well, thanks for asking!

Nothing much exciting has been happening (other than a trip to Pennsylvania to visit my Mom - numerous posts about our trip can be found here), I've just been taking it a bit easy.

In no particular order, here's what I've been doing with my free time:
1. Swimming! We're at Bartholomew or Mueller pool 3 or 4 days a week, mostly just chatting and bobbing around. I have a tan, working on my Freestyle, and plan on re-learning to dive later this summer.
2. Reading! Finishing books at a mad pace, mostly to distract myself from the insane level of anticipation about Breaking Dawn. You can check out everything I've read and what I thought about it on my Facebook profile. As promised, I'm reading some grown up books these days, but still with a fair amount of YA mixed in.
3. Watching Le Tour! Yes, there continue to be some serious doping issues with the race, but it's still awesome for several reasons. The Garmin-Chipotle and Columbia teams are keeping it clean and doing amazingly well - go U.S.A.! Several of my favorites are alumni of Lance's teams, and it's really great to watch them doing so well for themselves, after spending so many years supporting him.
4. Running! I'm back to consistent 4-6 mile runs in preparation for Disney World in January and I'm really loving it so far. Mostly running on the treadmill at the gym, but the new trail at Mueller is quite a nice run as well if I can get out before it gets too hot.

Summertime

My girl Fayrene does an excellent job of showing one of my new favorite things about summer - movies in the backyard. John's talking about us watching the 100 films from Entertainment Weekly's list of new classics, and if F brings her fantastic strawberry shortcake every time, then count me in!

Movies in the backyard are still a distant 2nd to my other favorite pastime - swimming at Bartholomew Pool, but that's a whole other post.

Violent and Crazy

This Violent Femmes rendition of Gnarls Barkley's Crazy is making its way around the Interwebs today, but it's so fantastic I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

All I Want for Christmas is a Vitamix

I really love smoothies and I don't like Jamba Juice (too sweet) or Daily Juice (too far from my house/filled with hippies.) So, I make them at home.

Trouble is, my crappy blender can't blend all of the delectable things I put in (greens like kale, romaine lettuce or spinach have found their way in, as have beets, carrots and of course assorted fruits).

A man was selling fancy blenders at Costco once for $300 and I wouldn't let John buy one. The Vitamix 5200 pictured here retails for closer to $500 and I'm pretty serious about wanting one. Because even if you like beets in your smoothies (who doesn't!???), trust me when I say that you want them blended up really well.

My recipe, you ask? Sure...
1/2 cup soy milk
1/2 to 1 cup water, depending on thickness
4-6 ice cubes
2 cups assorted frozen fruit (banana, mango, blueberries - all fantastic!)
2 big handfuls of leafy greens, the greener the better

The blender should be full all the way to the top, and if you have a crappy blender like mine you'll have to periodically stop/re-start to shake it up to help things along. Half an apple gets rid of the kale taste - the other greens are easier to hide.

A Heartbreaking Work

June 10th makes it 2 years since Dad died. I made it through the 10th okay, but was pretty much a mess all day yesterday (the 11th) - I think it's because that was the day we finally got to the house in Pennsylvania, and the day I called all of the relatives, making it more of the "real" day for me. I've been thinking lately about all of the strange stages and phases of grief I've traveled through so far. Time, it seems, continues to move too fast and too slowly - some days it's like the first day he's gone, then yesterday I spent hours trying to figure out if it was the 2nd or 3rd anniversary.

Somewhat related, I tried to re-read "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" and ended up leaving it on the night stand at the JW Marriot in Washington. I read it when it first came out and didn't think too much of it, but I thought that now maybe I would "get it" since my circumstances have changed. Nope, still not a fan. I'm probably bias because I know (and like) someone who doesn't get portrayed very well in the book. But I still don't buy what I think is one of the main themes - that people who have been sideswiped by grief are members of a special club that "regular" folks could never understand, and it's okay to (on some level) write everyone else off. Dad's death doesn't make me part of a special club, and if it does I guess I don't want to be a member.

Lessons from a lazy weekend

Coming off of a delightfully lazy weekend - yoga, playing on the Wii Fit, watching movies, reading and hanging out on the couch with John and all of the animals (including the world's cutest kitty who really really needs a good home).

I finished Sarah Dessen's The Truth About Forever and Just Listen, both sweetly satisfying if somewhat simple YA books that I really identified with, for different reasons. In The Truth About Forever, the main character struggles through getting over the sudden loss of her Dad by trying to be as perfect as possible. In Just Listen, the main character finds love with the outsider boy who is obsessively passionate about music. A key message from both is that you can't deny the ugliness of your past, which is certainly something I continue to struggle with. Both girls are quick to use one of my often used phrases - "It's fine" - for all of us it usually means, "things are not fine but let's all pretend that they are cause that feels easier right now." In Dessen's books, there's always a thoughtful, handsome boy who compassionately guides the main characters through the heartache of moving on. Cheaper than a therapist, certainly, but not particularly realistic for a 31 year old married lady. Especially one who is so obstinate about doing everything herself.

Now that I think about it, Jenn's Hatha class on Saturday morning kindof fit with this theme as well. It was a really restorative class, lots of props and heart opening, and slowly moving between poses. Jenn talked a lot about the concept of "storylines" - basically, the idea that we're always working to convey our storyline - our idea of who we are and what we're about. The storyline is usually a myth - a way of forcing ourselves into compartments and easy definitions. At the end of class, during savasana, Jeff Buckley's version of Leonard Cohen's Halleluja started playing - that song's always a trigger for me and I quietly cried, which felt really nice, actually.

It's been a while since I had some time to sit around and lazily digest things, and all of the reading and watching and generally taking things in feels like preparation for something. Maybe I'll finally start writing (REALLY writing, not just the blathering that happens here) or just start to get some real clarity about why bad things sometimes happen to (relatively) good people.

On the road again

Spending a few days in DC for more meetings (this morning's event on Web 2.0 in Government was really interesting, so maybe more on that later).

I'm kindof tired of traveling, but the fantastic bed at the JW Marriott at least looks inviting. Now if only I could get used to sleeping without the husband and all of the animals.

Young Love

As I've previously mentioned, I've been big time into Young Adult books lately. I'm now re-reading Stephenie Meyer's new one, The Host. A really great read, although this one took me a little longer to get into then the Twilight series. The back cover compares her to Isaac Asimov, and I have to say it's not a bad comparison. I love Asimov - the Ender series is particularly incredible - and mid-way through the 2nd reading, I agree that Meyers has managed to create a completely believable sci-fi story that captures a lot of the same emotion that Asimov has when he's at his best. The Host is a fantastic read and I immediately started it again after finishing cause I was so stressed out by the plot line the first time (agonizing about these characters I really came to love, much like with Twilight) that I knew I'd be able to enjoy it more on the 2nd reading.

That said, I think I'm going to take a break from YA after this one, or at least choose something that doesn't center on a love story. It has been a long time since I experienced teenage love. Even though I was on the older side (19) and probably smarter about it than most (I have always been nothing if not responsible) it was still pretty consuming - my emotions turning on a dime, thinking about him constantly, obsessing over every single moment. I married that guy, and I think we've transitioned quite nicely into a sustainable, mostly wonderful grown-up version. I would still walk through fire to be with him, but I don't anticipate needing to do so any time soon. But the teenage love stories are starting to muddle my brain a bit, and I sometimes find myself feeling wistful. Today, at the airport, all I got was a sideways hug while he was still belted in, a quick kiss, and then I got my own bag out of the car. Perfectly acceptable since I'm only gone for 3 days and I travel pretty frequently on business, but for a minute I was kindof pissed. Where was the declaration that he would die without me? The sweeping me up in a passionate kiss like I was the last woman on the face of the earth? Never mind that either would have made me extremely uncomfortable cause I'm not really that kind of girl, it still took me about 20 minutes to shake the feeling that I was missing something.

I'll probably pick up a new book while I'm here - maybe a nice presidential biography, or something about food. Anyone have any good books to cleanse my palette?

Weekend in Arkansas

Finished up on Friday in Chicago, completing 3 days of training on the new ECM my company is switching to. I'm excited about the move as it will provide lots of new tools and functions, but I am sometimes dismayed by how long it takes to move things forward at a company of this size. The process started 2 years ago and is in the final stretch, but I likely won't be able to sit down and start using on a daily basis until JANUARY, at the earliest. Certainly adds another layer to working in the Public Sector. If it takes this long and we have the money and only a board to answer to, how on earth does anything ever get done with minimal funding and competing political interests? I left the city still loving Chicago and wishing it weren't quite so cold, as it's one of very few cities I'd seriously consider living in otherwise. John could perhaps even be convinced since it's home to his latest crush.

After the meeting I caught an afternoon flight to Little Rock - the plane was only slightly larger than a tin can, but it miraculously left and arrived on time. I usually make my own travel arrangements, but it was lovely to be picked up at the airport and it continues to surprise me that I'm literally delighted to see John almost every time I see him, especially even after short times apart. Next we drove the hour or so to Bald Knob, the last 15 minutes down a lonely stretch of road that ends in 3 miles of gravel leading to the houses at Cole Corner (named since John's Aunt and Uncle live on one corner of the road, his cousin and her husband now occupy what used to be the Grandmother's house on the other). I was cranky by this point, but the fire flies were miraculous. More than I have ever seen, and so vivid in the darkness.

The weekend was, as usual, mostly about food. We ate, cleaned up, then started preparing for the next meal. Other than that, I got some reading in - Stephanie Meyer's new book The Host, which is good so far but I'm not SUPER into it like I have been with her others - chatted with the in-laws, and helped keep the children occupied. The children - 6 in all, ranging from ages 12 to 6 months - are a handful, to say the least. Every day I feel like I am a little more conflicted about the decision to have my own, and spending so much time around the kids didn't really do anything to sway me one way or the other. Yes, children are an amazing amount of work, frustrating and needy and such alien creatures. But I see the way they give structure and meaning to the most mundane tasks - the simple act of being present and "there" for them is amazingly powerful. I spent some time with the oldest daughter - an awkward child who is a bit overweight and too smart for her own good (yep, I can relate) - just being goofy and teaching her some yoga poses. She was thrilled, and I was thrilled to watch her.

Everyone is being very respectful about our decision (not) to breed, but I am certainly feeling more pressure lately. Watching John's mom with her sister's grandchildren was difficult, as is knowing that I am the only one (with John's participation) who can do anything to change her status from mother to grandmother. And don't get me started on my own mom and the joy that babies would bring to her lonely life. It's such a major decision - perhaps the biggest of my life - and it's so hard to know what the "right" answer is. For now, both my heart and head agree that now is not the right time, but I am starting to feel that there are bigger forces at work that I've only begun to explore. I'm reminded of the Matrix for some reason - I'm certain this is one of those decisions where you should just know the right answer "balls to bones" as the Oracle would say. Guess I'll just have to wait this out and have faith that at some point the answer will come (hopefully with a super big blinking sign), but, damn, I hate waiting.

I.L.L.I.N.O.I.S.

Still in Chicago, which really is windy, and also quite cold (48 today!). In general I'm having a nice time, though. The training course (on the new ECM we'll be required to use for site management starting this summer) is vaguely interesting and my company always does things in style.

The highlights so far include:

• Dinner and murder mystery theater in the Signature Room in the Hancock Building
• Deep dish pizza at Giordano's
• Arriving to O'Hare on time and timing the El perfectly so I didn't even have to wait for a train
• Shopping at Filene's Basement and Nordstrom Rack - I didn't buy anything, but had fun trying on dresses
• a quick stop at The Chicago Public Library

Another day of training and then I'm off to Arkansas for Memorial Day weekend.

Yay, YA!

I just finished another great book today, Rick Riordan's Battle of the Labyrinth, the 4th in his Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. It's a big "younger" than most of the stuff I've been reading, but great characters and a fast paced story had me gobbling up every word.

I've been making fast work of YA novels lately, so Cory Doctorow's list of YA authors he likes comes just in time. Plus, I need to check out his new book, too.

Where I've been

Yeah, so I've been away for awhile. Nothing much exciting happened, I've just been feeling too [insert adjective here] to give this any time.

Let's see, since I've written last, I have mostly been working (I just got a really good performance review today, hooray!), reading a lot of books, vaguely trying to get back into shape, and feeling kindof out of it and cranky for no good reason.

Mostly I've been reading and re-reading all the Stephanie Meyer Twilight series, plus I just finished the fantastic City of Bones (the start of yet another vampire trilogy I'll no doubt be salivating over for years to come.) There's probably some psychological flaw a brewing here (fear of growing older, a yen for transformational change, general ennui as the years pass and seem increasingly like the ones before, desire for a super hot immortal 19 year old to sweep me off my feet...), but I also still stand by earlier assumptions that young adult literature is just where it's at these days.

Oh, and Topher, Clee, John and I had some good wholesome fun (and picked up a 3rd place prize) at the Speedracer road rally last weekend. Thanks, Tim - you rock, as always.

New York, New York

John did a fantastic job chronicling our trip, you can check out his posts here.

Helvetica

At a friend's suggestion, John, Clee, Topher and I recently viewed Helvetica, a very earnest if slightly dull documentary about the much loved san serif font. It also made it seem like design people are universally strange and grating, which I know they are not.

I liked Topher's 1 sentence review - "I guess I don't love every documentary genre."

My main take away is that now I see Helvetica everywhere. This is a fun example.

A Note from the Universe

Is it so important that those in your life, Becky, fully appreciate how much you mean to them?

Or can you get along just fine knowing it for yourself?

Yeah....
The Universe

I get a cheesy email every morning from TUT.com, your basic motivational hippy stuff for the most part. This message caught me by suprise, though, cause this is REALY something I've been struggling with lately.

Thinking about God, at work, on the Wednesday before Easter

I grew up Catholic, of the "very" (but not Mel Gibson level) variety - church every week, youth group, confirmation, gnawing guilt at every inevitable sin and impure thought. John and I were married in the lovely little Episcopalian church by our house and attended long enough after that to officially become Episcopalian. Then I took up running and since Sunday mornings are for long runs we just sortof stopped going.

I still consider myself a person of faith, I suppose. I try to be good, I try to see the good in people, I like Anne Lamott books, when the s*** hits the fan my first inclination is to pray. Usually to Mary instead of God, who I had a bit of a falling out with a few years ago, after what happened to Dad.

But there's just something about Easter that every year I spend a few weeks with God on my mind. It's the lapsed Catholic in me, partly, but I have always loved the newness of it all. The solemnity of Good Friday and the stations of the cross. Then the light of Easter morning - the Laura Ashley dresses little girls wear, the lilies, the feeling that on this one day we all get to start fresh.

Apparently I'm in good company on these musings - in Salon today, Garrison Keillor had a lovely post about being a doubter, after a lifetime of faith. After I read Garrison's piece, Salon then thoughtfully linked me to this wonderful essay excerpted from Darcey Steinke's memoir "Easter Everywhere."

Spring Cleaning

I've been feeling lethargic and cranky lately and my moods are WAY too dictated by how much caffeine I have in my system. So, I've decided to do some spring cleaning by giving up caffeine, fake sugar and alcohol.

John says I can do whatever I want diet-wise as long as it doesn't impede his life in any way. Since he's already given up all of the above this seems like an easy peasy way to get started. Doing this in lieu of a more serious cleanse, but it may come to that depending on how Phase 1 goes.

Anyway, it's Day 2 and I feel fine. If I seem more irritable next time you see me, this is likely why. Of course I've been kindof mean lately anway, so maybe you won't notice any difference at all. Fun, fun.

2 Beers and a Xanax

do not make for an easy race in the morning. Luckily it was just a 5k or I would have been hurting. Otherwise, the Daisy 5k was lovely - good course, plenty of super friendly volunteers and they even gave us all flowers at the end. The women started 3 minutes before the men and it was an out and back course - so it was fun to watch the super fast men fly by on the way out, and the super fast women lap me on the way back.

What I got for my 5 dollars

One of the reasons that I don't usually come in the office on Friday's is that we have to pay $5 to wear jeans - a donation to one of the non-profits the company I work for supports. I like wearing jeans as much as the next guy, but $5 seems a bit steep.

Of course, at 10:40 am today, I "had to" walk over to Starbucks to buy my once a week latte. The tall soy latte is $3 and some change - I leave the change in the tip jar. That, plus the dollar I gave to the very pleasant homeless guy this morning and I figure I'm breaking even.

On a side note - holy crap, it's gorgeous here today. I love these Spring days in Austin, but it makes me nervous when they happen during SXSW since I'm afraid people won't go home. Seriously, LA-sters, don't move here. (Unless your name rhymes with Maura Briswell - then it's ok).

Huh.

I'm working from the office every day this week and today I noticed something pretty dumb about my behavior.

Every day, after lunch, I take a Solaray Once Daily High Energy Multi-Vitamin (Iron Free, Two-Stage, Timed-Release, natch).

Then, I have a Diet Dr. Pepper.

I think this is my version of washing down a greasy fast food style meal with a Diet Coke, but I just can't seem to stop myself.

If I had a subscription I would cancel it

I do enjoy the heck out of Vulture sometimes. I tried to read the actual "reported fiction" but only got a couple of paragraphs in before experiencing horrendous flashbacks to my own undergrad creative writing class.

As my prof ACTUALLY SAID "Sure, we've all been coked out of our minds staring at ourselves in the mirror for hours, but you have to show that experience not tell it."

Oh, and I sort of expect Esquire to be tacky, but geez...

Semi-Pro

John, Carolee, Topher and I had a blast at the recent Semi-Pro event at the Drafthouse. We had to come in full Flint Tropics uniforms (thanks, Tim!), which made for some fabulous photos.



I had on an obnoxious amount of blue eye-shadow and as I predicted, my mom went on and on about how pretty I looked. (sigh)

Running, Reloaded

I've decided to be a runner again. Not sure what happened, but I supposed it's been coming for a while and I woke up yesterday certain that it was time. Plus, now that I work for a fabulous company that pays for me to run in lots of local races it seems silly not to take advantage of such a cool perk.

To seal my new dedication, I'm signing up for my next marathon today. I'll be signing up for the half (Saturday) and the full (Sunday), which sounds so crazy sick that I HAVE to do it!

I made you a mixed tape

Not sure why I'm so nostalgic today, but this and this have gotten me thinking about a boy I knew in highschool who made me 37 mixed tapes. I can't listen to them any more because I don't have a cassette deck, and my car stereo ate one of them, but I still have the others and I'm sorry that I was kindof a jerk.

Also, does anyone know how kids exchange song lists these days? There was something so lovely about tapes with all of the songs written out by hand.

Happy Valentine's Day, Lou Gruffino

John and I have never really celebrated V-Day - it seems silly now that we're married, and we're pretty good about going on dates and buying each other little gifts whenever we see something the other would like. Our first official date was actually on Valentine's Day kindof by accident many moons ago - it was quite lovely, but I digress.

In the 3rd grade, a boy I was "dating" whom we shall call Lou Gruffino gave me what I think will always be my very favorite V-Day gift - an irradescent blue plastic heart shaped bracelet, and some variation of the "Roses are Red" poem, written on notebook paper in marker. He had terrible handwriting, so another girl from class (I think her name was Andrea) wrote out the poem. It was terribly sweet and completely unexpected and I think that his face during the moment he handed me the awkward little package (bracelet "wrapped" inside the notebook paper poem, I believe) will always hold a place in my heart.

A vote for us is a vote for freedom

We finished our Filmaking Frenzy project and I think it came out really well. You can check it out here, and if you love me you'll take a moment to set up an account and vote.

Oh, and "Grave Dan," if we suck and didn't get the concept, how come Michel Gondry copied us?

Don't you hate

when your ex-personal trainer (who doesn't know that the "ex" status because you LIED and said you were traveling for business for the month of January, when really you just can't afford to go anymore) sits at the table next to you at your favorite local coffee shop? Yeah, me too.

Those Old Bikram Days

In yoga yesterday the topic of Bikram came up during Eagle pose, and several of us admitted that we had gone through what the teacher called "those old Bikram days." After Dad died, I went to a lot of Bikram, and found great comfort in the super hot room, the always constant set of postures, and the drill sergeant (at least for yoga) style of the teachers. The mirrors (if you've never been, you spend the first 45 minutes of the series watching yourself do poses in the mirror at the front of the class) were also, in a wierd way, good for me. As a woman with some body issues, it was nice to be looking at myself in a mirror positively thinking "look at the cool stuff I can do." But (inevitably, it now seems) one day the class seemed really oppressive, and after that class I've only been back a few times. I guess that there's a time for being in a room where you can only think about yourself, and then there isn't.

That sounds awfully dismissive of the practice, and I don't really mean to be. It's certainly physically challenging, I just wasn't able to make the spiritual connection. I think a good friend just had her falling out with Bikram, and she's asked me to suggest what style to try next. I love introducing people to yoga (I actually took her to her first Bikram class, poor dear), and I'm excited to go down this path with her a bit.

For those of you in the Austin area that are still digging Bikram (and I know there are lots of you, cause man is it hard to get into the 4 pm Saturday class at Yoga Groove), Rajashree is coming back to The Crossings this month.

Yuck

I don't know what it is about Friday afternoons where my work ethic just flies out the window. Plus, I'm on day 5 or so of the never-ending cold that is really probably just allergies - the constant headache and tiredness is really starting to get old. In an attempt to feel better, I have taken the following remedies in the span of the last 24 hours:
Nyquil - last night, around 11 pm
Over the counter cold day time medicine - 7 am today
Flonase - 8 am
Coffee - 10 am
Double espresso - 1 pm
Allegra and 2 tylenol - 4 pm

Amazingly the previous "cures" have left me feeling super nauseous, so I just took 2 Pepto Bismol chewables. Damn cedar. Why must Austin punish us so? (That's right, I'm blogging about my allergies. Take that, interesting blogs!)

Goblet of Fire & Order of the Phoenix

We enjoyed the heck out of the last 2 films and even finished on time. It amazes me that the movies keep getting better and I can't wait for the next 2. And Luna - so magical! Cake and presents during the break, plus some wizard inspired rock talk courtesy of The Mudbloods. A fablous day and one of my very favorite birthday celebrations of all time. Huge props to Laura J., who made it through her first movie marathon in flying colors, even after a 6 am run. Big thanks to everyone for the food, company and "well mannered frivolity." Here's one last photo of me in my Harry Potter t-shirt and birthday ribbon from Topher & Carolee:

Prisoner of Azkaban

Yep, this is still one of my favorites. Beautiful cinematography and such fabulous attention to detail. Here's Laura, Topher and Carolee in full "cuddle down" mode:

The Chamber of Secrets

The kiddos are clearly getting older, Chris Columbus is more assured, and the CGI is cooler (esp the Quidditch). We're all stuffed on the delicious snacks, including: apple scones (homemade by Sandy), Topher's healthy goodness muffins, fruit and veggie tray, 3 different sandwich loaves (again, thank you, Sandy!), Laura's hummus and tzatziki, and Carolee's chocolate muffins. I can't eat another bite, until it's time for cake. Here's a photo of Carolee, Yamila and Brecken around the table during the first break:

The Sorcerer's Stone

Was as fabulous as I remembered. We marveled the whole time at how young and tiny they all looked. Having technical difficulties, so I think I'll post all the photos at the end.

Happy Harry Potter Day!

Technically my birthday was Thursday, but today is the day we're celebrating. I've convinced 15 of my closest friends to join me for an all day Harry-Potter-a-Thon - we're an hour before starting and I'm literally giddy with anticipation.

I'll try to blog about it throughout the day, but as you can see we're on a pretty tight schedule:

Movie Start End Break
Sorcerer's Stone (2001) 9:00 AM 11:32 AM 0:28
Chamber of Secrets (2002) 12:00 PM 2:41 PM 0:19
Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) 3:00 PM 5:21 PM 0:39
Goblet of Fire (2005) 6:00 PM 8:37 PM 0:23
Order of the Phoenix (2007) 9:00 PM 11:18 PM

John organized everything and made the awesome chart and will I'm sure be keeping us on schedule. Sandy was cooking all evening yesterday and has arranged for others to bring treats to share. Oh, and then there's the Earthquake cake from Schlotzksy's which is my absolute favorite:

They called me Ma'am at the Tattoo Parlor

Yesterday marked 6 months exactly since I picked out my ink, so I headed over to True Blue in the afternoon with my tiny drawing in hand. The studio was brighter and cleaner then I'd expected, with loads of awesome artwork on the walls and rockabilly on the stereo. Lee (who it turns out did Jen's neat Warhol banana) was behind the counter playing on YouTube, where he repeatedly watched this admittedly pretty cool video of a dog attacking a shark. The super cute artist Briza exclaimed "it's so small!" when I showed her what I wanted, but after that she was very sweet about me being old and kindof lame. In the span of the 45 minutes or so that I was there, they called me ma'am twice and referred to me "as this nice lady" another 3 times. (sigh)

I was a little nervous, but went through with it anyway. It actually didn't hurt at all, I was more freaked out that the sound of the needle reminded me of the dentist. The prep took a little while, but after all of 5 minutes of actual needle time, I was bandaged up and sent on my way.

I like how it looks, and I like having it. We'll see how I feel about it once I get used to it, I guess. It's somewhat hidden (on my back between my shoulder blades), so right now it's kindof like wearing super fancy a-team underwear. I know it's there and I get to decide who to show it to.

The Year of the Handstand, Continued

My 30th year was supposed to be the year that I learned how to do a free standing handstand as part of my yoga practice. (I like to set goals for myself each year - run a marathon, do a triathalon, etc - and as I get increasingly devoted to yoga the handstand seemed like a good idea). I adopted a more serious practice, started going to more Ashtanga and advanced classes, and hired a personal trainer to help with strength/balance issues.

So here I am 4 days before my 31st birthday. Probably loads closer to my goal, but it still doesn't feel anywhere close. Mandy's advanced hatha class today was generally really fun and inspiring, but when we were paired up to work on handstands, I was a bit dismayed to be paired with a gorgeous and amazing yoga teacher who I'm really intimidated by. She was helpful and not at all judge-y, but I still kindof felt like a loser.

Craft Services

Just finished what is hopefully the last night of shooting for our submission for the Rewind Kindly Filmmaking Frenzy. Even though I'm not in this one, or hanging out in a sweltering shed reeking of creamed corn, this has taken a lot out of me. Longer shoot and too many cooks in the kitchen, basically. Plus I'm just tired lately and fretting that I don't have enough time to do the things that I love to do. Lord help me if I ever have kids.

The one part that I do get a kick out of is my self-proclaimed role as head of craft services. I've been more into cooking for the last few years, but between no-spenduary (which I should probably explain at some point) and mostly working from home I've been going overboard with the home cooked meals lately. Tonight was Spicy African Peanut Soup, salad, and a tofu chocolate mousse for dessert. Good stuff.

Meet Miss Hannigan

Miss Hannigan and I were feeling mopey today and since I work from home on Tuesday she's been sitting at my feet looking up at me with her best mournful eyes, the ones that accuse "why are you just sitting here when we could be out playing?"

Despite the slightly cold and wet weather I ducked out of work a few minutes early to take her for a run in the park at the new Mueller development. She's actually the perfect running partner cause she loves to sprint then take periodic stops to smell stuff (leaving me a few moments to catch my breath). She looks back at me with the biggest grin on her floppy face, and it's so much fun to run full out for those moments that I imagine I have the same goofy smile.

We're been going over to the park more ever since a neighbor yelled at us about being in her yard the other day. I'm trying to be understanding (maybe she had a bad dog experience, maybe other dog owners let their dogs crap in her yard then don't pick it up), but then I look at this face and I think maybe it's just that neighbor lady's heart is three sizes too small:

Okay, I never thought I'd be one of THOSE kind of dog owners, but it's a bumble-bee costume! I'm not made of stone, people.

Practice

Went to Ashtanga yesterday for the first time in about a month. Such a humbling experience. I've been working out in the mean time and would have said that I'm in pretty good shape at the moment. Apparently not. One of the things that I've always loved about yoga is that I get to use completely different muscles, and they're all making themselves known today. I'm resolved to get back into a regular practice. There are some so many beautiful things to aspire to. For example:

The rest of the weekend was pretty filled up with our most recent film project and preparations for the house remodel. Kindof one of those weekends that left me wanting a weekend, actually.

To Boston and Back

Quick trip to Boston Thursday & Friday for meetings with my team. We mostly meet virtually (since we have 1 in Chicago, 2 in Austin, 1 in DC and 3 in Boston) but try to get some face time every quarter or so. I love everyone I work with, and of course had a great time. The highlight was dinner at Sorrelina - I had an incredible butternut squash ravioli in a fig and brown butter sauce, and sampled some of the out of this world truffled garlic fries. After dinner, we headed over to Bar 10 (conviently located in the hotel where I'd later pour myself into bed). Good times.

On the plane ride home I read most of a really fabulous book called Hunting and Gathering. I've been really loving a lot of books lately (thank you, Scott Westerfeld and Rick Riordan), but I was completely swept up the story of 4 misfits living in Paris. The maudlin singer songwriter mix on my IPod (Sufjan Stevens, Feist, Ben Lee, Elliot Smith and Matt the Electrician) was the perfect accompaniment.

As a side note, I'm slowly telling friends and loved ones that I'm blogging (Hi, Laura!) and John threw a bit of a fit this morning about it because he wants me to keep posting on his blog. That was actually always my intention - this seems like a good spot for more personal stuff, assorted other postings will be at the Backporch. Sometimes I'll duplicate, but will try to keep to a minimum.

I Heart Sufjan Stevens

Earlier this week the husband and I watched Danielson: A Family Movie (or, Make a Joyful Noise Here), a very sweet documentary about music, and faith, and family. I really liked the movie, but feel a bit guilty that my main take away was to fall in love with Sufjan Stevens, who sang a draw droppingly beautiful version of "To Be Alone with You" during the film. Albums were immediately downloaded from ITunes and he's been in heavy rotation since. I recognize we're coming a little late to this party since he's been a critical darling for a few years, but wow.

Are you there Internet? It's me Becky

I've been thinking about my intentions with this little side project, wondering why one day I woke up and that was the big day where I decided to make this foray into the 2.0 landscape. I don't want to get famous, I'm lucky enough to live close to most of my good friends so I don't really need to keep anyone updated on my daily activities, and I'm not at all convinced I have much interesting to say.

I imagine if someone ever posted a comment, it might be something like "you suck," or "you're boring." Those things are likely true. I am boring (my friends don't call me "Breakfast Becky" for nothing), I've had at best 5 truly original ideas in my entire life, sometimes I'm pretentious and I usually have a stick up my ass.

And yet.

I've generally kept journals my entire life, and have sometimes thought I'd like to be a writer. I like that with this format I can still pretend that no one is reading, but maybe secretly hope that one day I'll be blogging away and suddenly have amassed a cult following and people will buy my script for a kick ass little indie film. And I do happen to be in a very cool town, where I've finagled myself into some super fun events and assorted projects. So let's keep at it, dear readers, and see where this goes.

Fabulous Find

Found this during a walk with the dog last week. It's possibly the most boring comic ever, but I admire the effort.

Nope, Still Nothing

Still don't have any final thoughts about the year - things happened, some great, some terrible. I gained 3 pounds. I still can't do a freakin handstand without a wall. 8 is my lucky number, though, so I guess I have high hopes for this year.

In lieu of conclusions, here are a few things I really like right now - The Lightening Thief, Veronica Mars Season 1, green chai tea, Scott Westerfeld - esp the Peeps series, The Abominable Charles Christopher, working from home.

Happy 2008 everybody!

2008 rolls in not with a bang, but with a whimper

Day 5 of the cold that won't end, but I'm finally mostly feeling better. Enjoyed New Year's Eve dinner with some friends, but we were at home in bed by 10 pm. The celebration mostly consisted of Tetris, fabulous food (including dueling and practically identical salads from the 2 Beckys in attendance), and a heated discussion of the best and worst movies of the year. Continuing that thread, here's my list. Keep in mind, this is just the stuff I've seen, including numerous trips to the Alamo, this year's Fantastic Fest and the Austin Film Festival:

The Best:
Juno
Enchanted
Persepolis
There Will Be Blood
Mirage Man
Timecrimes (Los Cronocrimes)
The Orphanage
Mongol

The Worst:
Poughkipsee Tapes
Spiderman 3
Wrong Turn 2 (but I still love you, Henry)
The Last Winter
Postal (though, admittedly, a great Q&A)

Honorable mentions: Once, I Am Legend, Kabluey, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time

My head is still a little fuzzy from all of the cold medicine, so I'm sure I'm missing some great and terrible movies. Took a walk with the dog this morning and tried to think about the year. Haven't come to any conclusions yet, so maybe I'll post that part tomorrow.