Lessons from a lazy weekend

Coming off of a delightfully lazy weekend - yoga, playing on the Wii Fit, watching movies, reading and hanging out on the couch with John and all of the animals (including the world's cutest kitty who really really needs a good home).

I finished Sarah Dessen's The Truth About Forever and Just Listen, both sweetly satisfying if somewhat simple YA books that I really identified with, for different reasons. In The Truth About Forever, the main character struggles through getting over the sudden loss of her Dad by trying to be as perfect as possible. In Just Listen, the main character finds love with the outsider boy who is obsessively passionate about music. A key message from both is that you can't deny the ugliness of your past, which is certainly something I continue to struggle with. Both girls are quick to use one of my often used phrases - "It's fine" - for all of us it usually means, "things are not fine but let's all pretend that they are cause that feels easier right now." In Dessen's books, there's always a thoughtful, handsome boy who compassionately guides the main characters through the heartache of moving on. Cheaper than a therapist, certainly, but not particularly realistic for a 31 year old married lady. Especially one who is so obstinate about doing everything herself.

Now that I think about it, Jenn's Hatha class on Saturday morning kindof fit with this theme as well. It was a really restorative class, lots of props and heart opening, and slowly moving between poses. Jenn talked a lot about the concept of "storylines" - basically, the idea that we're always working to convey our storyline - our idea of who we are and what we're about. The storyline is usually a myth - a way of forcing ourselves into compartments and easy definitions. At the end of class, during savasana, Jeff Buckley's version of Leonard Cohen's Halleluja started playing - that song's always a trigger for me and I quietly cried, which felt really nice, actually.

It's been a while since I had some time to sit around and lazily digest things, and all of the reading and watching and generally taking things in feels like preparation for something. Maybe I'll finally start writing (REALLY writing, not just the blathering that happens here) or just start to get some real clarity about why bad things sometimes happen to (relatively) good people.

Those Old Bikram Days

In yoga yesterday the topic of Bikram came up during Eagle pose, and several of us admitted that we had gone through what the teacher called "those old Bikram days." After Dad died, I went to a lot of Bikram, and found great comfort in the super hot room, the always constant set of postures, and the drill sergeant (at least for yoga) style of the teachers. The mirrors (if you've never been, you spend the first 45 minutes of the series watching yourself do poses in the mirror at the front of the class) were also, in a wierd way, good for me. As a woman with some body issues, it was nice to be looking at myself in a mirror positively thinking "look at the cool stuff I can do." But (inevitably, it now seems) one day the class seemed really oppressive, and after that class I've only been back a few times. I guess that there's a time for being in a room where you can only think about yourself, and then there isn't.

That sounds awfully dismissive of the practice, and I don't really mean to be. It's certainly physically challenging, I just wasn't able to make the spiritual connection. I think a good friend just had her falling out with Bikram, and she's asked me to suggest what style to try next. I love introducing people to yoga (I actually took her to her first Bikram class, poor dear), and I'm excited to go down this path with her a bit.

For those of you in the Austin area that are still digging Bikram (and I know there are lots of you, cause man is it hard to get into the 4 pm Saturday class at Yoga Groove), Rajashree is coming back to The Crossings this month.

The Year of the Handstand, Continued

My 30th year was supposed to be the year that I learned how to do a free standing handstand as part of my yoga practice. (I like to set goals for myself each year - run a marathon, do a triathalon, etc - and as I get increasingly devoted to yoga the handstand seemed like a good idea). I adopted a more serious practice, started going to more Ashtanga and advanced classes, and hired a personal trainer to help with strength/balance issues.

So here I am 4 days before my 31st birthday. Probably loads closer to my goal, but it still doesn't feel anywhere close. Mandy's advanced hatha class today was generally really fun and inspiring, but when we were paired up to work on handstands, I was a bit dismayed to be paired with a gorgeous and amazing yoga teacher who I'm really intimidated by. She was helpful and not at all judge-y, but I still kindof felt like a loser.

Practice

Went to Ashtanga yesterday for the first time in about a month. Such a humbling experience. I've been working out in the mean time and would have said that I'm in pretty good shape at the moment. Apparently not. One of the things that I've always loved about yoga is that I get to use completely different muscles, and they're all making themselves known today. I'm resolved to get back into a regular practice. There are some so many beautiful things to aspire to. For example:

The rest of the weekend was pretty filled up with our most recent film project and preparations for the house remodel. Kindof one of those weekends that left me wanting a weekend, actually.